Shame

Feeling shame for the pornogaphy. Feeling shame because of the masturbation. How hard is it to talk about your problem. Most of the church thinks your not saved because of your addiction. It's ok to be addicted to drugs or alchol. But pornography. How dare you? I have belonged in one church group or another for over 23 years. In all that time I have never truly been allowed to be myself. I can't talk about my troubles. When asked make sure you say "fine". Don't confuse someone by saying you need help. They might have to act. Keep the pattern. Be a good religious person. Don't let anyone know that you are trapped and want to escape. I mock and I am cynical. The church today is an exercise in futility. No compassion. Work this program. No rest allowed.

Until a person learns that they died on the Cross with Christ and that the Christ-life is the only answer to this life they will continue to look for the next fad. I grow weiry of it all. I want freedom that I can only have in Christ.