Day 3

I started reading a book by Wayne Jacobsen called He Loves Me. It is a book about the relationship the Father wants with us. Not because He needs to but because He wants to. I have been listening to Wayne's tape series on the Power of the Cross. Visit his website www.lifestream.org. Why did I create this website? Because I was tired of living the lie that is pornography addiction. I have engaged in sex talk with women over the phone. I have masturbated looking at pornography and I have visited prostitutes. I no longer want this evil in my life. I have spend much time learning what the Bible says about believers and the relationship the Father desires with us. I am taking it day by day to see what the Father has for me.

This addiction has kept me single and many times lonely. When I was in my early twenties I can remember times I feared sleeping at night. Why? Because I couldn't stop masturbating. I was a believer but how could Father God love me when I would continue to view pornography and masturbate almost daily. I believed the lie. Father God knew what He was getting when he chose me. It is a daily process that will never be finished in this life. So quit trying to be perfect and live enjoying the love of the Father.

More to come...

Day 2

Today I want to talk about something on my mind about the Churches reaction to porn addiction. Today the number of men and women addicted to porn within the Church is staggering. The answer of the church has been one of condemnation instead of love. I remember hearing my pastor make a negative comment about people who looked at porn and masturbated. I understood after that I couldn't talk about my secret sin.

I have been through several programs that worked temporarly. I did a church program called every man's battle. I found the purity group to be one of holding my tongue. When will the church learn to stop being so judgemental about those who are imperfect. I tried an internet course called setting captives free. I found it to be legalism framed under the banner of grace. I do not condemn any program except my own failure to grab the best within each and run with it.

How should the Church respond to this crisis within her doors. First admit the problem is serious. Second, create a program based upon the Word to deal with it. It is too easy to condemn anyone who does not meet your standards. Our Christ-life is a process. It will not be completed until our body dies. Allow each person to grow as an individual and don't expect instant perfection of all believers. Create an enviroment where the process is allowed to take place.

More to come...

Welcome to My World!

Welcome to my world. A world of deceiving myself. A world of finding my freedom in Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I have been trapped in pornography for almost 30 years. I have visited numerous prostitutes over the years. I have used phone sex to satisfied my lust. Nothing satisfies. The world is an empty place where people spend their time pursuing empty pursuits. Sex, sports and drinking are only some of the answers the world finds. I became involved with pornography when I was 13 years old. I would look at my brothers Playboy's and masturbate. I started masturbating when I was ten. Only because it felt good.

When I came to Christ I was 16 years old. I had also been involved with the occult deception. After I was saved the first deception I believed was that I had to live the perfect life to be accepted by Father God. A lie created by satan and carried by the Church. It took me until I was almost 40 before I learned that Father God accepted me for who I was not who I needed to be.

The goal of this blog is to talk about my life. The continuing problem I have with pornography and phone sex. An occasional whore. Why need somewhere I can bare my soul. I know that I am cleansed by the blood of Christ. I know it is a process that will not be finished until I die. I understand what needs to be done. But how is the question. I have learned much over the last year. Now I want to understand and apply it.